


Red

by piecasportsanimetrash



Series: the fine art of everything at all [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amaxophobia, Eventual Romance, Fine Arts students AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Smut, SouRin Summer Fest 2016, VERY slight makoharu, Weird Plot, dealing with parental death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-23 19:37:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7477152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piecasportsanimetrash/pseuds/piecasportsanimetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>red lies and white lies are different</p><p>in which rin is a drama student and sousuke is a photography student</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place a few months in spring-summer before part 1 (which takes place in autumn-winter). There’s no major connection between the two parts but in case of confusion I strongly suggest you to read part 1 beforehand.

 

**Red lie: A statement told with complete awareness that the other person knows the statement to be false. This type of lie is often told and accepted to avoid the fallout that might occur from dealing with reality.**

 

_Holy crap._

That was the first thing that came across Rin’s mind when the students from Tokyo Polytechnic University came in. It was not because of their terribly bland clothes, neither was it because they were fifteen minutes early and he hadn’t gotten everything set up yet.

It was mostly because Sousuke Yamazaki was one of them.

“Holy crap,” he said, not realizing that his thoughts were audible.

Years have passed but Rin could almost instantly tell that this person was the Sousuke Yamazaki whom he had been desperate to get in touch with again. He still had messy dark hair and furrowed eyebrows when he smiled. Rin didn't need a visitor name tag to know for sure.

“What are you doing?” Kou elbowed him. “Go on and say hello to them! You’re the host, remember?”

“Yeah,” Rin muttered. “Of course.”

So he did, as slowly as possible, turning his head in the process afraid to be recognized too soon. But again, they had not seen each other for a little over eight years; he wouldn't be surprised if Sousuke failed to do so.

“Hi,” he said to the group, forcing a smile that even he knew was too unnatural to be displayed in a formal meeting. “I’m Rin Matsuoka, the representative of our Drama department. It’s really nice that we can, uh, mingle, I mean -”

“He meant ‘work together’,” Kou quickly cut him off before he could say anything even more stupid. “I’m Kou Matsuoka, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Now if you all come with me this way, I’ll show you around our performance hall and department building.”

“Dude, she’s so hot, I never knew drama chicks could actually be hot,” a guy who was walking pass Rin whispered to his friend, not even bothering to lower his voice to the level of a real whisper. Rin decided to follow behind the group. You know, just in case. 

Unfortunately he had yet to notice that Sousuke Yamazaki, the department representative of the photography students, was walking right in front of him, adjusting the straps of his camera which he hung around his neck.

“Matsuoka,” Rin jumped at the deep voice which was definitely new to him. “Thanks for having us here, we really appreciate the chance of working with another university, especially with such a big project.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, no problem, no problem at all,” Rin looked at him and tried his best not to stutter but _for fuck’s sake_ did he stutter like an antisocial introvert on a forcefully arranged blind date.

In life there would always be certain embarrassing moments which were only self-aware because you were internally scandalized by someone else’s action or your own realizations about an awkward event. Rin always had a hard time dealing with those. Take this one for example: secretly noticing that he was about to work with an ex-childhood-best-friend for the next three months without the other remembering the fact that they basically spent six years hanging out together in elementary school. Great, just great.

Rin had to admit to himself that he was quite disappointed; the Sousuke he knew was only bad with remembering directions, not with names and faces and old friends. But there they were, walking side by side like strangers, acting like it was the first time they had met with handshakes and small talks and unnecessary compliments.

But at the same time Rin was trying to convince himself that no, it wasn’t entirely his fault that they lost touch after he transferred to Iwatobi Middle School and Sousuke moved to Tokyo. There were no text messages eight years ago, let alone any form of modern communication systems that had only been invented in recent times. They wrote each other half-assed letters sometimes with only six lines and things happened, people move houses and change phone numbers. After a year of separation they stopped contacting each other. Which was, quoted from Rin’s mother, “such a big shame”.

_“Uh, this is really awkward, but do you not remember me at all? Rin Matsuoka? Your best friend in elementary school? Yeah, we slept over at each others’ houses quite a lot and your mom called me her second son. Do you recall anything? No? Okay then.”_

Nope. He wasn’t going to tell himself to take the risk of embarrassing himself. Although he did say that to a lot of people. Especially to Haruka Nanase.

“Excuse me?”

“What yes sorry you were saying?’ Rin jolted and snapped back into reality, seeing his companion frowning at him in concern.

“I was just asking how many students you have in your department,” Sousuke repeated himself.

“We have about fifty,” Rin quickly answered.

“That’s quite a lot.”

“Our department is famous for the annual public production and a lot of people see opportunities in that, I guess.”

“Uh huh,” Sousuke said.

Rin wanted to scream. Or beat some senses into Sousuke Yamazaki’s shitty and forgetful brain. Or both. Right now. When Rin decided to just scream to himself internally, he didn’t notice that Sousuke had stopped walking all together.

“Okay, Rin, I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not and I am getting a bit scared that you actually forgot about me.”

Rin slowly turned around, and saw Sousuke smirking exactly the same way he did when they poured spice into their English teacher’s coffee mug back in third grade.

“You little - I thought _you_ were messing with me!” Rin exclaimed, walking up to him and pushing his shoulders.

“I was, and how I wish you could see your face just now,” Sousuke started to laugh. “You looked so offended I almost broke my act and apologized.”

“To be honest, the acting there was pretty good; take that from a drama student,” Rin grinned.

“Yup, almost as good as you,” Sousuke said. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You, too.”

It was almost like a natural instinct that they held out their arms and did the handshake they invented ages ago. The hug which came shortly afterwards wasn’t awkward at all, either.

_I’ve missed you_. These words had almost escaped Rin’s lips but they were overly eccentric to be actually said out loud in an accidental reunion.

“Was Kou in this with you?” he asked instead.

“She was the one who suggested it, actually. She said it would be a nice surprise,” Sousuke smirked.

“Knew it,” Rin sighed. Back when they were kids Sousuke and Kou had always teamed up against him no matter if they were playing Monopoly or sword fighting with brooms in school hallways.

“So,” Sousuke started. “Where should we begin?

“From where we left off,” Rin replied without hesitation.

Before Rin knew it they were already plotted on the floor in the hallway, ditching the rest of the groups which they were supposed to lead and instruct as representatives. Kou must had expected the twist of events because she didn’t come back to look for them. With a can of coke in each of their hands they talked for hours, filling each other in with every single detail which they had not had the chance to share in the past years.

Rin let Sousuke do most of the talking, about how he started working at his father’s photo studio, and how he met Shun Oguri during one of the advertisement photoshoot sessions. He seemed to had gotten on well enough in the city, with changing accents and fashion sense and (surprisingly) a better memory with directions after getting used to the entwining streets and buildings which look exactly the same.

“What about you? Did you make it to the Sydney Opera House?” Sousuke suddenly diverted the spotlight back to Rin.

As experienced as he was as an actor with extra attention, Rin was caught off guard by the sudden question, but at the same time he was certain that this issue would be thrown out at some point in their conversion. Sousuke was looking at him expectingly when Rin struggled to answer.

“I didn’t go to Australia,” he finally said, intentionally ignoring the part about the Sydney Opera House.

“What?” Sousuke’s eyes widened in shock.

“I never went to Australia after you moved to Tokyo,” Rin repeated.

“But Rin, I swear you told me you were going to a theatre school in Australia after graduating. You even applied for a scholarship and everything.”

“Things… _changed_ ,” Rin said, and decided to lie instead of telling the aching truth. “I changed my mind, and I decided not to go. I went to Iwatobi Middle School instead.”

“Changed?” Sousuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ve changed a great deal, in case you haven’t noticed,” Rin said, gesturing the tattoo on a side of his arm, his black leather jacket and heavy eyeliner applied earlier this morning to distract the sight of the dark shades under his eyes.

Sousuke stared him down, but shook his head. “You haven’t changed a bit, Rin.”

“Which bit?”

“Every bit.”

“Well, I did grow taller.’

“Not so much, though,” Sousuke smiled, reaching out his hand and gesturing the height which Rin never managed to grow up to.

Rin was going to say something back, but at that moment their eyes locked when Sousuke smiled at him, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes slightly squinted. It was almost like the time when they would sneak out of the classroom and have lunch together at the back of the schoolyard, giggling at each other when they thought that they would never be found out with the trees as their camouflage. Or the other time when Sousuke was saying his last goodbyes, smiling when Rin was about to burst in tears and incoherent words.

_Oh yes, I’ve missed him so much._

“Oh, shit, look at the time.” Sousuke said, standing up after glancing at his watch. “I gotta go now, I promised my dad to help him out in the studio tonight.”

“Yeah, sure,” Rin replied quickly, disappointed for Sousuke’s early departure but at the same time relived that he didn’t press on with the topic regarding Australia.

“Dinner tomorrow?” Sousuke asked, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder while smiling at Rin.

“Of course.”

“I’ll meet you in front of your dorm at six. Sorry I have to run.” Sousuke waved at him briefly and turned away, trotting towards the exit.

“Wait, I didn’t even get your number!” Rin yelled after him.

“You just did!”

Rin stared at Sousuke’s back in confusion, and felt something stinging his palm when he bent down to pick up his messenger bag. He looked at his right wrist and found something trapped between his skin and the fabric. It was a business card of a photo studio, printed with Sousuke’s phone number and email address. Rin grinned to himself; it must had been some kind of magic, because he hadn’t felt so light-weighted in a long time.

 

***

 

“Date night?” Nagisa Hazuki suddenly propped himself down on the empty chair next to Rin’s, making him jump.

“Jesus Christ, Nagisa, how many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me,” Rin snapped at him, concentrating on wiping off the smudged makeup on his face after a full day of rehearsal.

“But you look like you’re about to sneak _out_ ,” Nagisa replied, eyeing at Rin slyly.

“I’m not,” Rin retorted. “What even makes you think that?”

“First off, you haven’t worn any color since last Christmas,” Nagisa said, counting by his finger. “Second off, you actually look not-so-pissed-off, so something good must’ve happened. Third off, you never bother to clean your face so carefully after a rehearsal. So, who is she? Or he? Oh wait, don’t tell me, let me guess - ”

Rin opened him month but again could not find any good excuses to get himself out of the chain of questioning from Nagisa; he was only ever observant when it came to materials for gossiping, which was the main reason why Rin never really knew how to deal with this particular member of his cast. But someone else did the job of distracting Nagisa instead.

“Rin-san?” Rei Ryugazaki conveniently appeared at the entrance of the prep room at that moment, but he looked like he wanted to turn and walk way the moment he noticed who else was in the room. “The positioning of the last scene has been finalized. I have left the blueprint on the prop table if that is fine with you.”

“Yes, Rei, thanks so much for helping out tonight,” Rin told him, relieved that Nagisa immediately got up from his chair and ran over to the newcomer, unaware that Rei was scowling when he clung onto his arm.

“And Rin-san, if you don’t mind me saying this again, the track team would be honored if you would ever consider joining - ”

“And no, Rei, for the thousandth time I am not joining the track team,” Rin cut him off, trying not to remember the time when he smashed a window by performing a javelin throw using a broomstick a couple of months ago. He was still prohibited from entering the swimming pool, plus his tutor had made appointments for him with the counsellor after the incident. Even after all these the track and field team was still trying to scout him.

It was a quarter to five when he started folding the costumes into a neat pile, pulling out the key to the great hall and locking the empty room. As the director he was responsible until the last minute, acting his part until everyone had worn off their characters. It was tiring, but Rin didn’t mind the least bit.

Early summer was approaching; the temperature had been rising steadily just like Rin’s pressure. The annual performance was eight months away, but he had no idea what even to perform on stage. It had been ages since he was asked to produce a full two-hour script and it was a downright torment from hell.

But Nagisa was right; it was the first time in months since he wore a light-colored shirt. Perhaps he was just unconsciously finding ways to reconnect with an old friend by dressing like old times.

After taking a cold shower and relieving from a full day of lectures and rehearsal, Rin looked at the mirror and decided that at least he appeared to be more refreshed than before.

 

Me: nanase, you there?

Haru: in my room

Me: remember the very damn expensive cologne your mom bought for you on your graduation day that you don’t actually care for?

Haru: yes

Me: i need to borrow it now

Haru: …why

Me: just grab it and go to my room

Haru: and why should i do that

Me: because you are a wonderful friend who always helps me in times of crisis

Haru: i am literally so flattered thank you

 

When Haruka arrived at Rin’s dorm room approximately ten minutes later he was bemused by the sight of Rin pacing around, looking at the mirror from time to time in attempt to fix his unfixable hair.

“This is hopeless,” Rin said in hopelessness.

“What is,” Haruka asked.

“Me,” Rin buried his face into his palms and sighed.

“Not yet,” Haruka said. “Here.”

He took out the bottle of cologne, and received a few words of appreciation. Haruka always wore blue and smelled like soap mixed with acrylic paint from all the excessive baths and art sessions; Rin knew that his friend never felt the need to cover himself up with more exterior artificial products, unlike himself.

“Where are you going?”

“I bumped into my childhood friend yesterday,” Rin said, feeling like he should be honest to his friend for once. “Meeting him for dinner tonight.”

“Sousuke Kawazaki, or something.” Haruka attempted to recall a name mentioned by Rin multiple times during their middle school years.

“Close enough,” Rin muttered, kneeling down to tie his shoelaces.

“You’re wearing color,” Haruka commented offhandedly, looking at Rin’s red shirt.

“I just figured that maybe it’s time for me to change.”

“Are you practicing lines on me again?” Haruka asked him wryly.

“Kind of,” Rin said. “Gotta go.”

“Matsuoka.”

“What?”

“Be careful.” Rin was taken aback when Haruka warned him with all the sincerity he could convey in his monotone. They have been friends for almost a decade, and Rin still had a hard time telling if Haruka was really being sarcastic not. Mostly because he had given up trying to understand fully of everything that had happened around him.

“Right,” he merely answered.

 

***

 

As he had promised, Sousuke was waiting for him outside of the dormitory building. His hair was damp, perhaps from the rain a while ago. He didn't seem like he had purposely dressed up for the occasion.

Rin decided not to feel too dejected because of this.

“Where are we going?” he asked him.

“First things first,” Sousuke replied. “Getting food.”

Ten minutes later Rin found himself sitting in a restaurant with an overwhelmingly thick menu in front of him. But it wasn't the abundance of choices which bothered him, it was the fact that he was actually sitting right in front of Sousuke Yamazaki. _The_ Sousuke Yamazaki.

He didn’t exactly understand why he was so nervous in front of his childhood friend. It was probably mostly because they hadn’t met for so long and he sort of forgot how they used to act around each other. But again, they both grew up, a lot, especially for Sousuke since he was like, six feet tall and had apparently been working out and all that. Rin grinned at him as naturally as possible, hoping the other to begin the conversation because Sousuke was the one who always knew what to say at the right time.

“It’s been forever since we’ve last eaten together like this.” To Rin’s relief, Sousuke chose the most common and general topic to begin with.

“Yeah, I know,” Rin replied. “I can’t believe it’s been so many years. I mean, we’ve gone through middle school and high school and two years of university without each other.”

“And managed to survive, for the least.”

Rin laughed with him. His brows still furrowed and eyes still squinted, and Rin remembered that he was talking to Sousuke, the single person whom he told everything to throughout the course of his childhood. There was no reason to act around him, unlike in front of other people, to whom he put his guards on high and block out any form of further personal relationships.

“I didn't give you a chance to tell me much last time,” Sousuke said. “To be frank, I never thought you would want to live here; from what I remember, you’ve always preferred the countryside.”

“Uh - ” Rin’s eyes darted away from Sousuke. “Well, I can’t really afford to go elsewhere. My family’s not exactly rich.”

“But _why_ Tokyo?”

There was a list of reasons why Tokyo was decided to be Rin’s final destination. He had looked at other options, of course, but was greatly limited by the few choices of universities in Japan. Other countries were out of question; mostly because he just couldn’t get himself to take the plane.

Which was also the reason why he never made it to Australia.

Rin looked at Sousuke, and noticed that he was being scanned like a blank piece of paper. Sousuke had been quite good at reading him when they were kids, but even now?

“‘Why Tokyo’, huh,” Rin repeated. It may take hours, even days for Rin to list all the reasons why Tokyo was chosen over anywhere else in the entire planet, but for now he didn’t know how to explain all the events Sousuke had missed out on in his life. Especially the quite tragic ones.

“I’m sorry.” To Rin’s surprise, Sousuke sighed and loosened up, leaning back on his chair. “I shouldn’t have asked something so personal. For a second I forgot that we aren’t really friends anymore.”

“Of course we’re still friends.”

“We haven’t talked in years,” Sousuke said bitterly, like it was something he was trying to overlook.

“We can still be friends, all over again, I mean.”

“From now on?”

“I have to warn you again, I’m probably not the kid you knew eight years ago anymore,” Rin smiled at him grievously. Time and the events in between growing up and getting too old has dulled the edge of his short-lived youth, and he was sure it was the same for Sousuke.

“And I have to tell you again that you haven’t changed as much as you think,” Sousuke repeated his words from the day before, but Rin thought that he was wrong.

Their food came and Rin was reassured in some kind of nostalgic way by the exact same order they made together back in elementary school. Ramen for Rin, tonkatsu for Sousuke, and two glasses of coke. Until this moment, the reunion seemed completely dreamlike, even hallucinatory.

So maybe, just maybe, they both hadn’t change much after all.

 

***

 

Rin felt like his mentality was completely drained like a desert out of water after the drama department meeting had ended. There were lots of unnecessary shouting as usual; one of the worst things of finding oneself being surrounded by more than fifty stage performers was that everyone had exceptional loud and clear voices, and none of them were willing to go without notice.

“I say the script must be Shakespeare!”

“Nobody fucking digs out fossils anymore, Miyata!”

“Didn’t we all come to an agreement that we must produce an original stage play?”

“Wasn’t Rin-senpai going to write it?” Rin instantly felt multiple pairs of eyes turning their glances at him, so he looked away and pretended he didn't hear anything.

By the time Seijuro Mikoshiba, who had taken time off his work and dropped in to check on his former underclassmen, hollered into the microphone and had everyone to shut up and pack away, Rin was already suffering a major headache.

“Hey, Matsuoka,” Mikoshiba called at Rin when he was about to leave the hall. “I look forward to _your_ stage play.”

_I need some inspirations. Or aspirins. Or both._

“Oh my god, Rin,” Kisumi gasped dramatically when he saw Rin walking over from the other side of the courtyard. “I can’t tell if you’re acting as a zombie or you’ve become one.”

“I can’t, either,” Rin said wearily. “Do you have any ice water left?”

“There’s a whole load of bottled water over there,” Kisumi replied, pointing at the red cooler box beside the basketball rack. “Did you get any sleep at all?”

“Not for the past thirty-five hours,” Rin said, picking up a bottle and opening the cap. “I am literally having a heart attack from caffeine over-dose.”

“You shouldn't really be drinking so much coffee, you know.”

“If I had a script-writer to help me with writing it, it would be much easier for me to survive the next couple of months without getting any heart attacks,” Rin said, feeling the ice water sliding down his throat and suppressing his long-term stress for just a moment.

“A script-writer?” Kisumi asked. “You mean, for the stage play?”

“Yeah,” Rin sighed.

“Do you know Makoto Tachibana?” Kisumi suddenly brightened up. “You can ask him to help out, I’m sure he will be more than happy to write you a script.”

“You know him?” Rin’s jaw dropped. “ _The_ Makoto Tachibana? I mean personally?”

“Yup.”

“What? Why? How?”

Kisumi laughed. “He’s in the basketball team, too, remember?”

“But still, you are telling me, a nameless emo drama student, to ask Makoto Tachibana, the most popular guy in our grade, to write a script for the drama department - ”

“Yes,” Kisumi interrupted. “Except that I am probably slightly more popular than him - ”

“ - while offering no payments whatsoever,” Rin added. “And for your information, everyone secretly hates you, including me.”

“Look, Rin,” Kisumi began in a matter-of-fact tone. “You are overthinking; especially the part about how everyone secretly hates me. They absolutely adore me.”

“I’m just being prudent,” Rin snapped, deciding to ignore Kisumi’s usual self-indulgence. “I don’t seek academic favors from strangers so easily.”

“Just ask him, the worst scenario is that he says no, which is unlikely because he’s the nicest person you’ll ever meet in this country,” Kisumi told him, finally getting a bit more serious. “It’s not like you’re asking him out or anything - unless you are?” he added, smirking while dodging Rin’s punch on the arm just in time.

“For a brief moment, you were being a very helpful friend for once,” Rin asserted. “But then you _had_ to add that comment and ruin everything.”

“Learn to take a joke, Rin,” Kisumi chuckled. It was impossible to tell what Kisumi was thinking from his ambiguous expression and ever-so frivolous smile.

 

 

***

 

Rin only wished that nobody had mistaken his as some kind of a stalker when he hid suspiciously behind the corridor next to the literature lecture room. He knew that some of his drama classmates were taking script writing for extra credits this term; he surely would not want to bump into any of them.

Just because showing weakness wasn’t an apparent trait of Rin Matsuoka.

A few minutes before three o’clock the lecture room entrance were filled with students leaving for their next lecture. Makoto Tachibana was not hard to spot as he was easily the tallest one in the room. Rin took a deep breath.

“Tachibana, wait up,” he said, following behind Makoto Tachibana when he left the lecture room. Luckily he conveniently stood behind everyone else to clean his glasses. He turned and saw Rin stopping right in front of him.

“You are…Rin Matsuoka-kun?” Makoto Tachibana looked a bit panicky. Rin couldn’t blame him though, as his public image in this university had always been the notoriously merciless director Nagisa had advertised him to be. The Broom Incident didn’t do much good on his reputation, either.

“I am, and I have a huge favor to ask,” Rin decided to just ask him directly. He hated it when people beat around the bush so he wasn't about to do that, either. “Kisumi Shinigo told me that you would be glad to help.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Makoto Tachibana replied cautiously at the mentioning of Kisumi (which he should, Rin thought).

“So, you are good at writing scripts and stuff, right?”

“Uh - ”

“Yes, of course you are, I read your stuff online. The National Youth Literary Award runner-up , huh?” Rin continued, not letting Makoto Tachibana to step down and be humble as if his accomplishments never existed.

“You, you read my work?” Makoto Tachibana looked even more flustered, but was a bit brightened up at the same time.

“And I am incredibly impressed. I just came by to ask if I could use one of your scripts for my play?” Acknowledgment and subtle compliments are just enough to lure most people into doing extra work, Rin reckoned. He learned that from the former director Seijuro Mikoshiba. But again, he had somehow forgotten that he was dealing with a lit student, which was a completely different species from drama kids.

“Um, I don’t know,” Makoto Tachibana muttered.

“Come on,” Rin pleaded, but at the same time trying not to show how desperate he actually was.

“I really - ”

“One script, Tachibana, I’m actually begging you right now.”

“My work isn’t as good as you think it is - ”

“Your work is amazing, and I mean it. Please - ”

“Rin-san, I don’t think this is an appropriate way to ask someone a favor.” Rin looked over Makoto Tachibana’s shoulder and saw Rei walking out of the lecture room with his backpack.

“Rei? What are you doing here?” Rin asked in surprise while Rei stood by Makoto Tachibana. “I thought you study interior design or something.”

“Indeed I do, but that doesn't stop me from pursuing my other interests such as literature,” Rei replied swiftly. “And I think perhaps you ought to ask someone else other than Makoto-senpai.”

Rin raised an eyebrow in irritation and Makoto Tachibana laughed uneasily. “Why is that?”

Rei looked at Makoto Tachibana briefly and said, “He simply doesn’t like his work to be published or displayed publicly in any form, I reckon.”

“I’m asking Tachibana, though, not you,” Rin told him, somewhat exasperated.

“I’m sorry, Rin-san, but I will never be a bystander when someone is clearly too polite to reject a request,” Rei replied determinedly, and bowed at his upperclassmen’s general direction. “Good day.”

_Says the person who has been persistently asking me to join the track team._ Rin sighed. “Tachibana, I’m sorry for being so assertive. Rei is right, this is no way of asking such a huge favor from someone.”

“Um, Matsuoka-kun - ” Makoto Tachibana started after taking a deep breath.

Rin closed his eyes when he thought of the pain he had to go through all over again of writing a fifty-thousand work script.

“- I’ll help you.

“…Wait, you will?” It took Rin a second to process his sudden reply.

“Yes, you have my permission to use my script for your play.”

“But didn’t Rei say that you don’t like everyone reading your stuff?”

“I don’t, but…I just figured that _maybe it’s time for me to change_ ,” Makoto Tachibana smiled at Rin with a hint of uncertainty and Rin instantly felt bad for being so presumptuous about everything. He had spent most of his life working with drama students, and was used to thinking that everyone liked to stand in the spotlight.

“Look, you don’t need to do this just because of what me or Rei said, okay? It’s totally cool if you say no.”

“Matsuoka-kun, I’ve made up my mind,” Makoto Tachibana asserted again, this time with more determination. “I’ll help you. But only under one condition.”

“What is it? If it’s about the payments - ”

“No, it’s not about the payment, I don’t need any. It’s just that I would like to be anonymous during the entire process.”

Rin was astonished by the unusual and expected request. “But I kind of need you to talk to us about characterizations and story board - ”

“I know, I know, but sorry, I am just not good at those stuff. But - but I can tell you, and you can tell the rest of the cast, and I’ll watch your rehearsals when I have time, as an audience. Is that okay?”

As being one of them, Rin knew that the Department of Fine Art was filled with the strangest people you could find on campus so he didn’t ask further questions. “Sure, that’s totally fine with me. Thanks so much again, Tachibana.”

“It’s fine,” Makoto beamed at him.

“Our stage play’s gonna kick ass,” Rin said, getting hyped up and holding out his fist to Makoto, who just stood there in confusion.

“Um…I don’t…?” Makoto held up his fist as well but didn't seem to know what to do afterwards.

“A fist-bump, have you never done that before?”

Makoto shook his head.

“Well then, here’s your first one,” Rin gently bumped his fist against Makoto’s. “See you around!”

As Rin turned into the next corridor along the hallway, he couldn't help but to smile as he felt half of the burden on his shoulder disappeared into thin air.

Little did he knew before that the fine art of reverse phycology was sometimes the perfect way of goading someone into action.

 

***

 

After about four weeks Rin thought that everything was starting to go back on track. Not that it wasn't before under his strict rules and schedules, but at least he could stop worrying about the script and busy himself with other things instead.

Like the upcoming photo shooting session with Sousuke’s Photography department.

It wasn’t the first time they had collaborated with other universities. They invited the jazz orchestra from Tokyo College of Music last year, and the art students from Kyoto University of Art and Design even offered to make some of their props the year before. It was common that other universities join in to organize such a huge event, but it was the first time that Rin had to directly speak to another representative in charge to monitor the progress. Not to mention that the representative was the long lost best friend he had.

Sousuke was always serious when it came to photography. Rin remembered how he accompanied Sousuke to hike one Sunday afternoon when they were kids, and how Sousuke wouldn't stop until they reached the hill top and found the perfect scenery he had in mind which fitted the golden ratio. Rin always found themselves alike in this way; perfectionist when it came to the things they loved, and little fucks given otherwise.

It took them three days to agree to a date, matching up to all the deadlines they had regarding the printing time of pamphlets and adverts, along with posters which all needed to be completed long before the actual performance in winter.

Rin couldn't concentrate with all the flashlights in the room. He already had a full script in his hands and he didn't quite know what exactly he was worried about. Maybe he was just used to be constantly worried, and it sure wasn’t a good habit.

“You alright?”

Rin felt another person sitting next to him on the bench. It was Sousuke. They hadn’t seen each other in person since they had dinner together that night as they were both caught up with the mess of the drama production. They still occasionally texted each other when they were off work or rehearsal, both discreetly determined not to let their friendship fall apart like it had before.

“Yeah,” Rin said, returning a smile.

“You suit your costume,” Sousuke said, gesturing at his historical period drama clothing.

“No, I don’t,” Rin rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, people wouldn't be able to tell the difference if you travelled back in time.”

Rin whacked his head with his loose sleeves, fitted to look like a soldier from the 50s. “Rather than sitting here and shitting me, aren't you supposed to be directing the photo shooting session or something?”

“The other guys got it,” Sousuke replied. “There isn't much to do, anyway. We’re just taking about ten shoots of everybody and choosing which ones should go into the pamphlet afterwards. Nothing too professional.”

“Figures.” They weren’t important enough to deserve extra effort, anyway, and neither was this stage play.

“What are you guys talking about?” A new voice joined in the conversation behind them. Kou was still in her unwieldily long dress and hairdo, and Rin refrained himself from telling her that her lips were way too red to match up her hair, knowing that it would only reward him with an hour of silent treatment from his sister.

“Thank you for maintaining order of your cast back there,” Sousuke told her. Under Rin’s absence and with Nagisa as their leader, the drama cast almost broken all of the camera lenses while they inspected everything in the shooting room as if they have never seen any form of technology before.

“It’s nothing,” Kou smiled. “Onii-chan, are you done with your pictures already?”

“I was the first one, since none of you came on time,” Rin replied, trying to suppress the sarcasm and Kou laughed apologetically.

“You can’t blame me, all the shops are doing spring clearance sales,” she expounded. “And I wasn't that late, at least not as late as Nagisa.”

“Your underclassmen are very…. _energetic_ ,” Sousuke commented and Rin tsked at him.

“Energetic? They are bat-shit insane,” he said, gesturing at Nagisa’s general direction as he ran through a crowd of at least twelve cameramen which was trying to capture him and make him wear his fedora properly, laughing like he had been watching a prank show compilation for the past twelve hours and had too much energy drink for breakfast.

“Aw, don’t say that,” Kou chuckled. “We all look up to you, believe it or not.”

“Are you trying to suggest that _I’m_ the one who’s the best at being bat-shit insane?” Rin joked.

“Can’t deny that though, Rin,” Sousuke chipped in. Kou began to laugh even harder while Rin reached over and nudged his shoulder.

Like old times, huh. Rin still remembered how the three of them used to destroy the living room with tissue paper and color papers and everything they could find in the house to dress up as superheroes, cartoon characters, or whatever they wanted to be. Kou’s hair grew longer and she started tying it up, she also stopped crying in front of her older brother. Sousuke’s shoulders were broader and he became cool-headed. Rin…well, Rin could never put his finger on which part he had changed the most, or maybe it was because he didn't even resemble his old self anymore. From That Day onwards, he seldom laughed, and locked himself away from everyone else.

They were adults now, with responsibility, and an unknown path to the future which he must make way for himself. 

Rin could only stare at Kou chattering away with Sousuke, and continue to indulge in the red lie he told himself.

 

 

***

 

Part of Rin had always been stuck in the past, when he was in elementary school, when he had so much less to care about, when Sousuke was still around, and when his father was still around.

Part of Rin had always been angry at everyone, at those who left him and those who had stayed, at some passerby who stared him down.

Part of Rin had always blamed himself for all the tragicness that happened to those around him.

Sometimes he felt like everything was changing and out of control and out of hand and he would start to panic for no reason at all. Even a slight mistake made during a rehearsal was just sufficient to put him off for the entire day. It was like everything that went wrong was his own fault but at the same time he could not stop the fault from happening because everything as changing and out of control and - 

It was simply a vicious and continuos cycle.

The day after his father’s funeral, Rin went to school while his mother stayed in the cemetery to take care of the aftermath of death.

He remembered sitting at his table, surrounded by a couple of friends, eating lunch like nothing had happened. He didn’t tell anyone, he was even laughing, but the facade soon began to decay when he fell in silence.

_“Are you okay?”_

And then Rin bursted into tears. He buried his head around the crook of his arms and cried, letting all the bitterness soak into his shirt when he heard chairs being pushed backwards and tables moving across the floor. He was left alone.

He grew afraid, of things that he shouldn't be afraid of. At first he was unable to be left alone in his room, finding it intimidating and enclosed. Second he couldn't get into his mother’s car, with a flashback of vehicles running over the edges of a mountain route in a stormy night that he saw in nightmares. Before he noticed he stopped using lifts, for more reasons he couldn't comprehend.

Yes, the only reason he didn't go to Australia was that he _couldn’t_.

 

***

 

When Rin woke up in a start, he wasn’t surprised by the fact that he wasn’t in his room. He couldn't recount how many times he had fallen asleep in buses, trains, parks, sometimes with a hangover but fortunately he was sober this time, and he began to recollect what had led up to him being there. The images from his nightmare started to fade as he regained consciousness, remembering where exactly he was.

_Right, the photo shooting session._

He propped up his arms to support his upper torso while he sat up from the long bench he had been sleeping on, with someone’s bag as a pillow and someone’s jacket on top of him.

Yawning and stretching his arms, he stood up while rubbing his aching back, taking out his photo to check the time. To his horror, it was already eleven at night. He had missed rehearsal. He _never_ missed rehearsals.

“Slept well?”

Sousuke was walking towards him from the supplement room, closing the door on the way.

“You should have woken me up,” Rin sighed.

“Kou told me not to,” Sousuke told him. “She said you haven't been sleeping lately.”

“I am the only person who should never miss rehearsals.”

“It wouldn't kill you to take a break once in a while, you know.”

“I know,” Rin said absent-mindedly, kneeling down to pick up his bag. “I’m going home.”

“Why don’t you stay the night?”

It took Rin a second to fully process what Sousuke had offered.

“You mean…at your house?”

“Yeah, it’s literally just across the street.”

“What about your parents?”

“I live alone,” Sousuke told him promptly. “And they would have welcomed you just the same.”

“Do they even remember who I am?” Rin said jokingly.

“Of course they do; speaking of which, they even asked me to invite you to visit them during spring break.”

Rin could only image the look of horror Mrs. Yamazaki would display if she saw that ‘Rin-chan’ grew up to be a melodramatic young adult who wore too much makeup and black clothing.

Sousuke didn't exactly give Rin time to think of a proper excuse to reject his offer. He picked up Rin’s bag from the ground and swung it across his shoulder. “Let’s go. I’ll fix you something to eat.”

So Rin obliged due to his extreme tiredness.

They walked in the darkness side by side. The wind was blowing away the remaining freshness of spring in the early mid-summer night.

“I miss Tottori,” Sousuke said suddenly. “I mean, the city can look nice sometimes, but nothing’s the same without stars at night.”

“And mountains,” Rin said.

“And mountains,” he agreed.

Rin waited for Sousuke to continue his sentimental speech which sounded like it was going somewhere, perhaps trying to get Rin to open up, but he stopped there. He didn't ask why Rin just moved without telling him, he didn't ask why Rin could just cut him off, almost on purpose, after losing contact.

Because it would only make him feel even guiltier, and Sousuke understood that. Rin wished that Sousuke hadn’t been so considerate with him and him only.

“My flat is just there,” Sousuke said, pointing at a window on the second floor of an apartment building.

“You live alone in such a big place?” Rin asked him after he opened the door, leading him to a view of a living room that already doubled the size of Rin’s student dorm room. It was very plain and had rarely any decorations. A gray sofa was placed in front of the flat-screen TV against the dull, white wall, and there was a small wooden dining table with only two chairs beside it.

The whole place spelled the word _alone_.

“Sadly, yes,” Sousuke said.

“I thought you would be living with your girlfriend or something, if not with your parents.”

“Who said I had a girlfriend?”

“I just assumed that you would have one, I guess.”

Rin was entirely sure that he wouldn't be the only one in the world who had _once_ fallen in love with Sousuke.

“For the record, I don’t,” Sousuke replied. For some reason he sounded kind of defensive, but Rin decided to just drop it. He was still too tired to second-guess everything.

“Omerice.”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t you say you were gonna fix me something to eat? I want omerice.”

Sousuke smiled at him. “Sure thing.”

They had dinner together while the TV was on, the channel was broadcasting some kind of a game show. People were laughing and obnoxiously loud music was playing in the background. Rin wondered if Sousuke spent every night listening to this alone, sitting beside the table by himself with the same expression of disinterestedness.

He wondered if Sousuke had felt lonely, just like he had.

Sousuke let Rin take a shower first while he washed the dishes, refusing to let Rin lend him a hand (“You look like you might fall asleep halfway through washing the fry pan”, he said). There were spare toothbrushes inside the drawer, as if Sousuke had always been waiting for guests to come over with opened arms.

When he was drying his hair with a towel, he wandered into Sousuke’s room at the end of the hallway. It was plainly decorated as well, but the wall behind the door was stuck with pictures all over it. Some were pictures of people, sceneries, animals, and others were just colors and shapes that Rin could not recognize. Before he could take a closer look, Sousuke entered the room.

“Go to sleep,” Sousuke told him. “You can have my bed.”

“Sousuke.” Rin called after Sousuke when he was about to walk away.

“Is something wrong?”

“Where are you gonna sleep if I have your bed?”

“I’ll lay out the futon, don’t worry about me.”

“Oh…thanks, anyway.”

Sousuke stood there with his hand on the door handle for a while, looking like he was going to tell Rin something, but nothing came out of his mouth in the end. He said goodnight, and left Rin alone in the room while he went to get the futon from the storage room.

Rin shifted aside on the bed, facing the window, but he didn’t feel like sleeping at all. Sleeping over at a friend’s house was normal, but this - this discomfort that had been manifesting itself within Rin only left him tossing and turning with unease.

_If I really hadn’t changed a bit, would I still feel the same way about him like how I did eight years ago?_

Rin clenched onto Sousuke’s sheets tightly. It smelled like Sousuke’s body wash, which he also got on his body after taking a long shower.

The door opened again. Rin turned around and happened to meet Sousuke’s eyes. He smiled at Rin and bent down to lay out his futon. The edges on his matured appearance seemed to have softened a bit under the dim light of the night lamp.

“Is the lamp too bright for you?” he asked.

“It’s fine,” Rin muttered. “Goodnight.”

Sousuke turned off the lamp anyway. Rin saw him lying down on the futon in the dark.

He then had the soundest sleep he ever had in ages.

 

***

 

When the summer term came to an end in the first week of July, Rin was woken up by a loud hustle in the student dorm early in the morning. Obviously most of the students were going home or travel elsewhere during the summer holiday. Even Haruka, who normally stayed indoors 90% of the time doing his weird artsy stuff, was going to visit his parents who were currently working in Yokohama.

“Are you sure you're not going anywhere,” Haruka asked for the third time that day right before he left. Maybe he, too, wanted to show some care to Rin since Rin had shown him courtesy and walked him to the bus terminal.

“Nah,” Rin said.

“Sure?”

“Sure.”

“Okay then,” Haruka said, but he didn't sound convinced at all. “Good luck with What’s-His-Name-Yamazaki, by the way.”

Rin wanted to tell Haruka that no luck was required because nothing would happen between the two of them, ever. But instead he just said, “Thanks.”

The bus to Yokohama was pulling up the stop sign and Haruka hauled his luggages to the storage area. He nodded at Rin while Rin waved him goodbye.

Approximately five minutes later when Rin was on his way back to the student dormitory, he was stunned by Sousuke’s text with a picture of two Shinkansen tickets due to depart at midnight for Tottori.

 

Me: what is this

Sousuke: You are going with me

Me: where??

Sousuke: Tottori. It’s written right on the ticket

Me: Are you really sure that I’m gonna say yes?

Sousuke: Are you saying no then?

Me: ofc not

Sousuke: I’ll meet you at Tokyo Station 10pm sharp. Don’t be late

Me: Do you actually know your way around Tokyo Station?

Sousuke: Most of the time, yes

 

It was an abrupt notice, and he also made an abrupt decision. He kind of knew that this was probably Kou’s idea, anyway; it would be a perfect plan to get Sousuke to drag her brother back home and visit their mother after two years in Tokyo and being apart with his family. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss his mother or his home, he just couldn't bring himself back to the place where he had lost too many people that he had loved after being numbed by the haze in the city.

Still, he hesitated for a moment before sending another text.

 

Me: why are you taking me to Tottori?

Sousuke: Take this as a belated birthday gift from me and to make up for the past eight years of missing your party.

 

Rin smiled at his phone. _Taking the midnight train, huh_ , he thought. It sounded romantic enough, like a 90s rom-com, or something. He couldn't remember the last time he travelled as far as the convenient store a few blocks down the street.

Kou had been the one who was always urging him to get out more, and was also the one who made him join the swim team so that he would have something to do outside of the rehearsal venue. Ever since their father passed away, Rin seemed to have taken more joy in staying indoors, staring into the void while listening to sad music until someone woke him up from his own reality. Days in his room felt like years but these nine years felt like days.

Maybe they were right, and maybe just this once his therapist was right, too. Maybe he should get over whatever obstacle that was in the way of him and the Sydney Opera House.

_Maybe it’s time for me to change._

Rin decided to only bring a backpack with him back home. All of his other clothes were left in his closet and he thought they didn’t need to worry about accommodation, either. His mum worked part-time now that her children could partly support themselves and was always eager for a visit from them. And again, he was pretty sure this was another scheme between Sousuke and Kou; his mother was probably informed a few days ago.

As he had promised, Sousuke was waiting for him at Tokyo Station. His height stood out in the average crowd and he waved at Rin, smiling.

“All set to go?” he asked.

“I think so.”

“Here’s your ticket, our platform is about ten minutes walk away.”

Sousuke seemed a bit tired. Rin figured that he must had had to finish a week’s worth of work beforehand in order to head back to Tottori. 

The scenery outside of the train windows were unfamiliar, and somewhat foreign even if they were still on the same piece of land connect to the city where they called home for now. Sousuke and most of the passengers fell asleep soon after they had left the platform, the coach was filled with heavy breathing and whispers exchanged. Rin put his headphones on and looked out of the window. It was pitch dark outside, just a little past one in the morning. 

He felt strangely safe, and he hadn’t felt so safe on a moving vehicle for quite a long time. Sousuke shifted in his seat and turned to Rin’s side, allowing full sight of his face, his fair falling forwards slightly. His hand moved onto Rin’s chair handle in his sleep, linking their arms together. In the heavily air-conditioned train, Rin felt a source of warmth rushing through from where they touched.

Rin couldn't help to notice that Sousuke was sighing, seemingly restless, and the same rings of tiredness ran through the bottom of his eyelids. Disturbed by his own subconscious, Rin turned aside, facing the window and trying to ignore Sousuke’s strong presence beside him.

When Rin opened his eyes again it was nearly five in the morning, meaning that they had almost arrived at their destination. There was the first signs of sunrise in the sky. Sousuke was already awake before him, and was texting someone on his phone.

“Morning,” Sousuke said.

“Morning,” Rin mumbled, still half-asleep and rubbing his eyes. “Are we there yet?”

“Just two more stops. You can sleep if you want to, I’ll wake you up later.”

“It’s okay, I’m awake,” Rin said, hiding a yawn.

They had some of the junk food they bought in the train station for breakfast, and Rin was desperate for a cup of coffee but the dining trolley was nowhere to be seen.

After arriving at Tottori Station, they had to run to the bus terminal because of the slight delay of the train (“Loser buys coffee,” Sousuke had said). When they finally got on the last form of transportation to get themselves home, Rin had a sudden urge to jump off of the bus and run back home.

Sousuke must had noticed Rin’s anxiety, because he patted Rin’s shoulder and said, “Your mom will be overjoyed to see you, don’t worry.”

“I can’t believe I hadn’t gone home in two years, just because…” Rin trailed off and sighed.

“She understands.”

“Have you been talking to my mom as well?”

“No, but I have been talking to Kou, and she has been talking to your mom, and she is worried, just like everyone else.”

When the driver started the engine Rin jumped. He never liked the sound of car engines, especially bus engines, because they were loud and ugly. He put on his headphones again and tried to ignore the piercing noise mixed with his own pounding heartbeat.

Everything is going to be okay. That was the line he told himself every time he had to get involve of driving or being driven. Somehow Sousuke’s company made this statement more believable.

Sousuke had apparently no problem at all with remembering the route that would bring them to their childhood neighborhood, where they both hadn’t revisited in a considerably long time. Before Sousuke’s hand reached the doorbell, he sensed that Rin tensed up a little again.

“I’m fine,” Rin reassured him.

The doorbell echoed through the two-story house with faded yellow paint out front but a blooming backyard. The door was opened a moment after.

“Rin?” his mother’s eyes widened when she saw her son standing outside of the door sheepishly.

“Hey, mom,” Rin managed to smile.

“And…Sousuke-kun?” she turned to Sousuke, eyes widening even more.

“Sorry to bother you,” Sousuke said, bowing his head slightly.

“No, of course it’s not a bother!” Mrs. Matsuoka beamed at both of them, yanking at Rin’s shirt to get him to go inside the house. “It’s such a pleasant surprise that both of you came over. Do come in!”

Nothing in the Matsuoka residence had changed since Rin moved away, or he should say, nothing had ever changed since his father passed away almost a decade ago. Their mother refused to replace anything even if they were long worn out, as a remembrance, a perseverance of a man who was long gone. Family portraits were hung all over the hallway and beside the staircase leading to the second floor where their bedrooms were.

The scenery was too familiar, yet too burdening to make Rin feel comfortable and homely.

Mrs. Matsuoka already had her work clothes on and was fully awake even at six in the morning. Even though she would have to leave in a hurry, she still insisted on making breakfast for both of them and help them settle in Rin’s old room. She also made them promise that they would stay for dinner before finally closing the front door behind her, saying how Rin had gotten so much skinnier without her home-cooked meals. Sousuke noticed how Rin was overwhelmed by all the pampering which he had not received in the past two years of university away from home and his mother, and smiled to himself.

Sousuke looked around Rin’s room while Rin tried digging out old shirts to wear in his dusty wardrobe. He recognized his letters, sent in an old-fashioned way by stamps and mail, neatly placed in a basket on the desk. One stood out particularly, as the card was exposed without the envelope and was especially more colorful than the rest. He picked it up and read through the letter which was written by his 12-year-old-self, and realized that this was the last birthday card he had sent to Rin, and also the last letter he had ever sent in his life up till this point.

“Sousuke, do you - ” Rin turned around with a handful of clothes, and caught Sousuke picking up another letter to read. He paused his sentence mid-way, and didn’t say anything else until it was time for lunch.

“I’m bored. Let’s go somewhere else,” he said to Sousuke, who was lying on his bed reading an old manga he took from the bookshelf.

“Sure,” Sousuke replied. “Where to?”

“I don’t know. School?”

“What, you mean Sano?”

“Yeah, I mean, why not.”

It was always intreating how childhood nostalgia always had the power to bring people back to that one place they adored but despised at the same time. Sousuke shrugged and said, “Let’s go, then.”

 

***

 

“You’re bringing your camera with you?” Rin asked when Sousuke knelt down to tie his shoelaces.

“Of course,” Sousuke replied. “I bring it everywhere.”

The trail of nostalgia was beginning to hit Rin like a wave when they followed their past usual route to Sano Elementary School. The streets now looked older, rougher, and the trees in front yards grew taller, just like the people who used to watch this scenery everyday. They walked pass the park where they used to play hide-and-seek, the knock-down convenient store where they used to buy ice-cream from, and the bridged across the dock where they used to race against each other, running until Rin’s father returned with his boat.

Too much history and memories that Rin once tried to forget.

The warm summer breeze and the buzz of cicadas in the bushes were the sign of an early summer morning. Sousuke looked solemn when he was silent, but when the light shone on the crown of his head he looked like something holy instead.

“We’re here,” Sousuke said when they reached the old schoolyard.

It was exactly like Rin had remembered. There were no one on the football field since it was summer holiday, and the building stood lonelily with the lack of children’s laughter and footsteps. While Rin stood in front of the wire fence staring at the empty elementary school, he noticed that Sousuke was no longer standing beside him.

“Sousuke?” he said into the void. There was no reply.

“Sousuke?” he said again, louder, and feeling a bit stupid like a kid who had lost his mother in the supermarket. But there was still no reply.

Rin walked around the wire fence to look for Sousuke. There was no way that Sousuke would get lost in a place so familiar to him, but Rin was still slightly worried.

“Sousuke!” he called out, picking up his pace and running across the fence. He was starting to panic until he saw Sousuke standing behind the school garden, his hands going through the bushes like he was looking for something.

“I’m here,” he turned around, and saw Rin, clearly distressed and panting with a bead of sweat on his forehead, standing in front of him while trying to catch his breath. “You okay? Did something happen?”

“I - ” _Though I’ve lost you._ “Nothing. What are you looking for?”

“Wait a second,” Sousuke said. After carefully placing his camera bag on the ground, he continued his search in the bushes. A few seconds later he beamed and stood out of the way. “Look.”

Rin stepped forward and saw a torn hole in the wire fence and he realized that he recognized it. It was the same hole they discovered years ago, probably in third grade,which they used to skip classes to sneak outside and hide from angry teachers looking for the infamous troublemakers.

“Are we still gonna fit in?” Rin chuckled and said. Sousuke shrugged.

“Won’t know if we don’t try,” he said. “Here, hold my camera.”

Before Rin could warn him that they could possibly be arrested for breaking and entering, Sousuke disappeared though the wire fence and showed up on the other side, covered in twigs and his shirt stained with mud. “Come on!”

So Rin just thought, fuck it, and after passing the camera to Sousuke, he knelt down and climbed through the wire fence as well. He felt like they were back to being twelve year olds, with nothing to care about and only too many days of youth to live.

“You got mud on your face,” Sousuke grinned at him, and stroked the back of his hand against Rin’s face. Rin wished that the heat on his cheeks looked like they were burning from the hotness of the sun instead.

They walked across the football field towards the school administration office. Rin also remembered clearly how he once kicked too hard on the ball and fell sideways on the ground, knocking his elbows on the ground and feeling the splitting pain that made him cry for an afternoon. It was Sousuke who stayed with him until his mother came to pick him up from the school nurse.

It was also Sousuke who sneaked in popsicles for him when he had a fever.

It was also Sousuke who took him for a ride on the back of his bicycles up the mountain to look at the ocean.

It was also Sousuke whom he happened to fall in love with since a long time ago. Part of him had and would always had fallen in love with him.

“I can’t believe they still got this picture up here,” Sousuke said, pulling Rin back into reality. Rin glanced up at the old photograph he was pointing at, and he was surprised by the sight.

It was taken in the summer before graduation, maybe two or three months before Sousuke and his family moved to Tokyo. The teachers had praised it as ‘one of the best stage plays elementary students can manage to display’, with Rin as the lead-character. The trophy was still in the dusty display shelf with the faded picture pinned on top. The Rin Matsuoka in the picture was smiling, his arms around two people whose names he had long forgotten. But he remembered Sousuke was there. Sousuke was definitely somewhere out of the picture at that time.

_Snap!_ Rin turned around and saw Sousuke holding up his camera, his hands adjusting the lenses and eyes focused on Rin. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Capturing the moment,” Sousuke replied promptly.

“Don’t quote from camera advertisements.”

“You look good, so I took a picture. That’s all.”

When Rin finally realized that he didn’t mishear Sousuke, not even a word, Sousuke was already heading towards the staircase. There was no way to tell whether he was serious or not, either.

It took them a few minutes to get up to the sixth floor, where the sixth grade classrooms were. Sousuke seemingly had no trouble remembering every detail in Sano, and was counting back every seat he had sat in his last six months in Tottori.

“And then in the autumn term, we finally got to sit next to each other,” Sousuke reminded him.

“I guess the teacher felt sorry that you were moving away and probably couldn't see me much afterwards,” Rin spluttered out, and immediately regretted he said that because Sousuke’s smile had fallen a little bit. They have reunited for four months already, but this was still a topic both of them were trying avoid talking about.

“Did you miss Sano?” Sousuke suddenly asked.

“Sure I do. Elementary school was the only fun I had in my childhood.”

“Same for me, I guess,” Sousuke said. “Tokyo just isn't the same.”

“Yeah,” Rin muttered, dropping the small talk. He hated small talks, because they were just words connected together to fill the hollowness between conversations to avoid being awkward; in other words, it was juts fake politeness.

_Did you miss me, then?_ To him, this was the real question they should talk about.

Sousuke stood beside the windowsill and looked out of the window. And Rin stood beside him, hoping that he wouldn’t be caught staring.

_Oh fuck,_ he thought. _I love him._

 

 

*** 

 

On their third and last night in Tottori, Rin’s mother suggested them to go out to camp like they used to, by the beach where it was hypothetically illegal to camp or barbecue but no one ever cared anyway.

“The weather forecast says that it’s going to be cooler tonight,” she told them. “There’s not much to do around here, but you boys should go out to get some fresh air.”

They both agreed. A storm was on its way to the province and there wouldn’t be much chance for them to do any outdoor activities back in Tokyo or anywhere else when it hit. They dug out their old camping supplies from the storage room, stopping every five minutes or so when one of them find something that was worth remembering, such as the first ever script Rin had ever written (which left him blushing while trying to grab it from Sousuke, who was reciting it aloud), and Sousuke’s toy sword which they both thought was lost somewhere on the streets. It was like seeing ghosts from the past, or more like the people they used to be forever and a day ago.

The beach was empty as expected. Abandoned sand castles and trails of footprints were washed away by the waves when they set up their campsite. Sousuke left his camera behind, which was rare, as he didn't want to drop it in the water. Rin wore his tank top instead of another black shirt, because it was still hot as fuck even with the sea breeze.

The rest of the night was peaceful and strangely quiet. There were no phone calls from Rin’s cast members, asking questions that he didn’t care for, nor a sudden rain to pour out the bitterness of another fight. Sousuke laid down on top of the sleeping bad placed on the sand beside the crackling log fire, and Rin did the same. They could still remember the constellations they made up or pretended to know when they were kids whenever they looked up the starry sky, even if they had both spent a fair amount of time in the city where only LED and fireworks lit up the night.

“I like summer,” Sousuke told him. “It’s probably the only season suitable for camping.”

“But it’s still hot as fuck,” Rin grinned at him.

“I don’t care, really,” Sousuke laughed. “If winter was white and blue, then summer must be black and red, like you.”

Rin didn’t quiet understand what he meant. Under the blanket of darkness there were only the two of them, talking about nothing while pointing at stars and arguing about whether the twinkling light was an airplane or an UFO. Rin noticed that Sousuke stopped talking at one point, replaced by steady breathing and closed eyes. He was turned towards Rin, fell asleep while listening, and Rin thought that he had never looked so good to him, ever.

He put out the campfire, and laid down beside Sousuke again. Their hands collided somewhere between their slumber.

 

***

 

Rin was disappointed that the bad omen storms always bring to a story leave them stranded in a shitty motel near the Tottori airport. A huge thunderstorm surrounded the area, and airlines had no choice but to cancel flights for safety reasons.

“The next flight back to Tokyo is in twelve hours, don’t worry,” Sousuke told him after making some calls and looking up the news on his phone.

“Doesn’t matter to me, I’ve got nothing else to do anyway,” Rin shrugged. “Guess we’ll just have to make do.”

There were two single beds in their room and a shower with no hot water nor air conditioner, and they both regretted a little bit about staying at the cheapest accommodation they could find to save money.

Rin hated to admit, to himself, to his therapist, or to anyone at all, that he was afraid of the rain, or everything associated with it. The storm, the lightening and thunder, like a photo of shutter with flashlight taken in the sky.

“I’ll shower first,” he said, watching Sousuke attempting to turn on the television.

“There’s no hot water, though.”

“I don’t really mind. I’m sweating like it’s raining indoors.” The sky thundered, and Rin jolted, clenching on his towel.

When Sousuke dropped the TV remote to look at him, he knew immediately that it was coming. The conversation that they had both withheld since the moment they reunited would definitely end up in a fight, and that was the least thing he wanted at the moment.

“Rin, you don’t have to pretend,” Sousuke said calmly. “At least not in front of me; you can stop pretending.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“I know you are used to acting like everything is fine - ”

“I’m _not_ acting!”

“Then why are you lying to me?” Sousuke raised his voice when he asked. “All this with cars and the rain and thunder, I know there’s a reason behind them. So tell me, Rin.”

Rin’s mind went blank in shock, while he made up his courage to look at Sousuke. Sousuke didn't seem mad or accusing, he just looked concerned.

“Who told you?” Rin gave in and sighed. “Kou?”

“Nobody did, I don’t even know what happened to you, to her, to anyone,” Sousuke replied. “What I know is that you didn't tell me the whole story. Something else made you give up on Australia, right?”

“Nothing happened,” Rin insisted, standing up defensively. “I told you, I changed my mind, and that’s it.”

“Rin-” Sousuke stood up as well walking after Rin.

“Leave me alone!”

“I won’t until you tell me what happened.”

“ ** _NOTHING HAPPANED!_** ”

“You and I both know _very fucking well_ that you’re lying!”

Rin’s anger built up and manifested itself into a punch onto the wall, and a fist grabbing Sousuke’s shirt collar, making him stumble backwards when Rin looked at him, his expression twisted and words stuck in his throat.

Being pressed against the cold surface, Sousuke looked indifferent, as if he wouldn't bat an eye even if Rin landed the punch on his face instead. They stood there for quite some time, deadlocked and both refusing to budge. One asking for answers, the other lying to cover up.

“I want to help you, Rin,” Sousuke said. His hands gently held the wrists which was hanging on to his shirt tightly. “You can tell me. Anything.”

“I see, so you feel sorry for me,” Rin said through gritted teeth.

“I’m only worried about you.”

Sousuke sounded more genuine than anything. He hadn't let go of Rin’s wrist, and Rin felt his pulse slowing down gradually.

“I'm sorry,” Rin finally said, loosening his grip on Sousuke. “I was only scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yeah, of losing you, after telling you everything.”

Rin looks down at their feet in a mix of guilt and embarrassment; he didn't really mean to say that out loud. And to his surprise, Sousuke reaches over to hold one of them. Rin still couldn't bring himself to look at him, because he felt like he would end up learning forward and kissing Sousuke if he had the audacity to look at him and explain everything.

“You don't have to apologize, but you didn’t have to lie, either,” Sousuke said. 

“I know, I was stupid.”

“Rin, I want the whole story.”

“A few months after you left, my dad died. His car slipped off the edge of the road in the worst thunderstorm in the decade.” Rin told him. “Don’t say you’re sorry because it has nothing to do with you, and it happened ages ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sousuke looked like he was trying to stay calm for the sake of Rin when he could be yelling right now. “You should have written to me, I would have come back and - ”

“I don’t know, Sousuke! The thirteen-year-old me wasn’t good at making rational decisions, I guess! I was a mess, Kou was a mess, our mom was a bigger depressed mess. I rejected my scholarship to study in Australia moved to Iwatobi afterwards - that’s the whole story, I promise.”

“Rin, I really wish you had told me back then. What kind of friend I would be if I didn’t come back for you?”

“I was _fucking_ mad at you!” Rin hollered. “I knew that I had no right to be angry because you didn't choose to leave, but I was mad at you for not being there, I was mad at my mom for not being there, I was mad at everyone, and I’m so tired of getting everyone’s sympathy for all that had happened, people saying sorry to me on the streets and acting like they cared - ”

“Was that why you never responded to my last letter?”

“I wish you’d changed, Sousuke, even just a little bit. I’m so fucking mad that you’re still the same kid I’ve known from elementary school, you have no idea.” By the point Rin had already given up forming coherent arguments. He was tired of arguing, he was tired of hiding away everything and pretending everything is okay when it wasn’t.

_If you had changed, maybe I wouldn’t fall in love the way I did when I was in fifth grade._

“Rin?” Sousuke said quietly.

“I cut you off because I was afraid of losing you, like how I lose my dad. If I will lose you either way, I’d rather keep you as a past-tense, not a rejection, not a sympathetic look and a ‘sorry, I can’t be that for you’.” Rin looked away, afraid of Sousuke’s reaction. Although by this point, Rin thought there wouldn't be anything else to be realized anymore. It was all too fucking obvious even for the oblivious.

“I kept all of your letters too, you know,” Sousuke said suddenly, breaking the silence. “All twenty-six of them. Sometimes when I feel like everything is turning to shit I open them and read them through, to remind me of the times when - ” Sousuke paused and closed his eyes, as if suppressing a memory he never wanted to keep.

“When what?”

“When I wasn’t alone.”

Rin had dropped all defenses at that second when he heard those words. Sousuke pressed a hand against the back of his head and kissed him back even deeper, his other hand reaching towards Rin’s back and wrapping his waist tight. Rin felt the wetness tingling at the tip of his tongue and opened his mouth. Rin wanted to stop, but he couldn't stop himself from craving for more. He wanted to be kissed, he wanted to be touched, and the fucking guilt was still too strong to be overcame. Clothing were shoved aside along with all the reasons why they shouldn't be making out in the motel room.

“Rin?” Sousuke said, still breathless after being pushed away suddenly.

“This shouldn't have happened.” Rin grabbed his abandoned jacket on the floor, trying not to let his madly racing heartbeat and tears get the best of him. “I’m so sorry.”

“You - ” Sousuke started, and realizing that Rin was already heading towards the door Rin didn’t even look at Sousuke when he slammed the door shut, not giving him a chance to offer any apologies or explanation.

 

***

 

Rin couldn’t remember the last time he dashed so fast out of an undesirable situation. His heart was still beating at an abnormally fast rate from the kiss and from over-exercising. He stopped his footsteps abruptly in front of the beach and doubled over, panting and clenching his sweat-drenched shirt.

**_Fuck._ **

They kissed. And more. They practically clawed onto each other while they made out in the motel room. Who knew what it could have let towards if Rin hadn’t run away.

For no matter what reason Sousuke kissed him back, even if it was just out of pure pity or charity, he couldn't get over with the guilt of how good it felt, and how he would give anything to kiss him again.

When Rin took off running, he half-expected that Sousuke would follow right behind him, and grab him, and told him that he mustn’t leave. He could not face Sousuke right now, and the further he gets from the beach the more he thinks he wouldn’t ever be able to talk to Sousuke again, about anything at all. He was not sure which of them were really at fault, but everything has changed in a way that he wasn't prepared for. The motel was just two streets away from the beach, but he wasn’t planning to head back and apologize any sooner. Not until everything reverted to the way it was before, which would be impossible.

He stopped when he realized that he was standing in the aftermath of the thunderstorm. Drops of rain landed on his skin and hair, all the stores were closed so he couldn’t find anywhere to hide.

The coastline was drenched with rain and rising sea level. He walked along the fences which blocked the way to the dock below, suddenly worried that Sousuke would run behind him after all since they had rarely been around this area at all and he might get lost in the middle of nowhere.

Sousuke was right after all, he thought. The sky was red from the sunset and the clouds were black, and it was the colors of summer.

Rin finally stopped walking forward restlessly when he saw a bench in the middle of the road. Although it was drenched he didn’t mind because he was already drenched from the rain anyway. He just needed some time to think about everything, like how to get home without having his phone or any money on him, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to go back to that motel.

He was always a good pretender, and he knew the way to put on a masquerade and makeup when other people were around. Sousuke was the only one who didn’t buy his outside. Maybe Kou did tell him something, but Rin wouldn’t give a shit. It wouldn't make a difference even if he knew what was going on or not; he didn’t want to fall in love again. 

“Hey.”

Rin didn’t even bother to look back when he heard Sousuke’s voice. In the corner of his eyes he saw someone sitting down next to him on the bench, and something cold pressing against his arm.

“Coke?”

“Thanks,” Rin muttered. “How did you find me?”

“Whenever you are troubled, you go to the dock ever since we were kids.” Rin found that unarguable. For the past four months, or for the past eight years, he had always questioned the decision of cutting Sousuke out of his life, because he couldn’t deny the fact that he had been and always would be the only person who knew him inside out.

Nothing could be heard except for the sound of waves and the lid of the can being pulled open. Rin poured the cold drink down his throat, feeling the tinkling in his stomach which somehow made his mind a bit less foggy than half an hour ago.

“Why did you run?” Sousuke asked. He wasn’t angry, Rin could tell. Sousuke didn’t get mad at Rin even if he ran out on him without any explanation.

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

“I don’t want you to…do this, do you get what I mean?” Rin suddenly raised his voice, finally looking at Sousuke’s direction. “I know you feel sorry for me, but you could have pushed me away, you don’t have to go to such an extreme extend to be a good friend - ”

“But I wasn’t trying to be your friend,” Sousuke told him. “I was trying to kiss you because I love you.”

“You love me?” Rin asked, almost in a joking manner.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Don’t you feel sorry for me?”

“What is there to feel sorry for?”

“I am overdramatic, on the edge of mental unstableness, I wear a ton of fucking makeup which all melted in the sun and I know I look pathetic, with or without them,” Rin started, and the list could go on and on and on until there was nothing left to be said. But Sousuke shook his head.

“But none of those things provide a reason for me to not love you,” he said. “I know you are emulative, Rin, but you can’t argue with me over this.”

Rin’s mind was completely blank and he didn’t even notice that he had already started tearing up halfway. Sousuke pressed a hand on the back of Rin’s head and let him lean on his shoulder.

“Let’s go home together, okay?” he asked, gently stroking Rin’s hair and planting a kiss on his forehead. People who were possibly passing by behind them might see, the waves could drown them together in the ocean, the world could be ending before their eyes, but nothing other than each other mattered to them at the moment. “Or Australia, I don’t care, we can go anywhere.”

Rin only nodded. There were still probably a thousand things that he still hadn't gotten straight, but he knew this couldn't be wrong; it was too perfect to be wrong, even if he had taken the scenic route to get there.

And that was more than enough for Sousuke.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which both Rin and Sousuke go to Australia

**Sydney, January**

 

“ _Rin, I think I am in love with Haru._ ”

Rin rubbed his eyes while he sat up, leaning against the bed board in their beach house and holding up his phone against his ear. No, this wasn’t the ringtone of Rin’s alarm clock, as you might or might not had suspected. It was Makoto Tachibana calling him at 4am, sounding so nervous like he was announcing his wedding to his parents.

“What.”

“I’m in love with Haru.”

“…Are you drunk?”

“No!”

Rin groaned. It was way too early for this kind of bullshit.

“Good for you. Now I’m going to hang up and go back to sleep, and you should, too.”

“Wait, please, Rin, listen to me!” The sound of sheer desperation in Makoto’s voice slightly amused him, so he deiced to hang on for a few more minutes.

“Okay, so you dig the weirdest dude in our college, and your point is?”

“How…how do I get him to like me back?”

“Are you serious? Are you like seriously asking me for advice? On how to get Haru to like you back? What? Seriously? Do you even know how much he hates me?”

“He doesn't hate you, he’s your friend!”

“My point is I am definitely not his favorite person in the world. And you’re still seeking advice form me?”

“Yes, I am!”

“At least fifty people, male and female, would line up to kill Haru with their bare hands if they ever know of this, you know.”

“What has that got to do with anything?”

“All I am saying is, ask him out, and then be prepared to protect him from premeditated murder. Goodbye.”

This time Rin did cut Makoto off without another word, but he didn't go back to sleep, instead he opened his messenger and typed

 

Me: guess what’s new my dude, makoto likes you

 

Rin imagined how Haruka would react to this. _I don't care_ , he would probably say, but inside he would actually care a lot, and would try to ask ambiguous questions to get more information out of Rin.

He hesitated for a few seconds when he hovered his finger over the ‘send’ button, but then he smirked to himself, deleted the message, and went back to bed.

It would be more intreating to see this unfold bit by bit instead of giving spoilers when this drama hadn't even started yet.

 

***

 

Their working holiday in Sydney was more like 90% holiday and 10% drinking and no work at all. The truth was that Sousuke was only asked to take scenery photos of Australia for a traveling magazine and that was pretty much all they had to do during their one month stay.

When Rin woke up again in the afternoon Sousuke was already gone. He left a note on the desk saying that he was supposed to take at least one sunrise picture on the beach or something, but because of their ‘morning routine’ he kept forgetting about it intentionally.

Rin made himself a bowl of cereal and spread out on his bed, watching boring talk shows on the television. He felt like years of studying English hadn’t been wasted on a childhood dream, because Sousuke was absolutely shit at it and he had to be the one talking to the overseas reporters of that traveling magazine and translating back and forth. He heard the key turning outside of the door of their rented beach house at around five, and he went outside only to find Sousuke taking off his shoes in the doorway.

“Hey,” Sousuke smiled at him.

“Hey,” Rin said, and he didn’t wait for Sousuke to ask him about his day before pulling his shirt and kissing him, arms clinging on his neck lazily while slipping his tongue in the other’s mouth.

“Rin - wait, let me turn the fan on - ” Sousuke tried to break the kiss to breathe but Rin wouldn’t let him budge.

“We don’t have time for that.”

A trail of clothes were left behind the way to the bedroom. While Rin was practically putting all his weight on Sousuke and pushing him back against the bedroom door, kissing him even rougher than the first time they did, Sousuke grabbed the doorknob behind him and opened it with a click. The stumbled backwards, with Sousuke still half-lifting up a completely mesmerized Rin, and fell onto the bed on top of him.

Rin took Sousuke’s hand and pushes it down past the open fly of his jeans, into his boxers. His cock was hard, leaking, his boxers damp and sticky. He sighed and spread his legs open wider while Sousuke strokes him, rubbing his thumb in circles around the wet tip.

“I don’t need foreplay,” Rin panted when Sousuke took him briefly in the mouth, stroking the back of his thighs at the same time. “Hurry up and get in.”

“Such impatience,” Sousuke grinned at him, giving his dick one last lick before reaching towards the drawer for a pack of condoms, moving forwards and kneeling between Rin’s spread legs. Rin could feel the bulge in Sousuke’s pants grinding up against the gap between his thighs, and moaned into Sousuke’s mouth when he felt a hand stroking up his chest while he was being fingered and stretched inside.

Sousuke held Rin tightly once he was all in, both of them tranquilized with lust and the craving for each other’s touch. Rin leaded forward and wrapped his arms around Sousuke’s shoulders while they kissed messily again, feeling the orgasm building up in their stomach. ”I love you," he moaned into Sousuke’s mouth and came, shuddering and Sousuke tensed up as well. Summer sex was hot and sweaty and it didn’t make them better off with no air conditioner in the room, but neither of them had the heart to care. If Rin had known, the Sydney Opera House was almost nothing compared to snuggling in bed with Sousuke after having sex.

After going back to Tokyo he learned to drive, and on his first class he had already decided that someday he would drive to the edge of the world with Sousuke (without entrusting the map to him, of course). Maybe someday he would be on the stage with Sousuke taking pictures in the audience, maybe they would climb mountains together again, but they wouldn’t be alone.

Nothing in near future could be determined for sure yet, but for the first time Rin wasn’t going to worry about it beforehand.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading part 2! I gotta be honest, sourin isn’t one of my biggest OTPs. At first this story was only intended to be a short supplement to the main makoharu storyline but as I went on, I fell more in love with this pairing because of their broadly contrasting, yet compatible and somewhat similar personalities, so this ended up being the same length as part 1. I actually wrote this story from the course of April to July so it really feels like I’m writing their lives in the present. Anyway I really hope you enjoyed this and have a nice summer (or winter depending on which hemisphere)!


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